Open Mind

With teenage anxiety, depression and suicide on the rise in South Africa, we need to equip our children with the means and skills to be able to verbalise what they are feeling and experiencing and encourage them to tell us why they are feeling this way. We need to be encouraging our children to come to us with their problems, and as hard as it is, to not let our personal bias and prejudices come through in our answers and discussions with them. 

Anger is a normal emotion and yet we as parents stop our children from ranting and raving as it is seen as unacceptable behaviour. If we do not allow them to vent with us, they might start internalising these feelings which could lead to them becoming sick, depressed or feeling like they have nowhere to turn.   

When your child comes to you with an issue or to talk, remember to be as open minded as possible. Allow them to talk and then reassure them that what they are feeling is totally normal and that they should not be ashamed or feel guilty for whatever it is that they might be going through at that time. Open and honest communication with our children is something that we need to develop and foster. It is this relationship that could end up making or breaking their self-image. 

As they get older and start going out with their friends, develop a ‘safe word’ that only you and your child know, so that if they send this word to you, you know that they feel uncomfortable, out of their depth or are in trouble. This allows you to phone with an excuse and to go and fetch your child, and for your child to leave an awkward situation without being ridiculed by their peer group. 

However, you may not ask questions until they are ready to tell you what the problem is. They may never be ready to tell you what the issue was, but just knowing that they have a safe space to come home to means the world to them. Raising children in today’s day and age is no mean feat, and it is true what they say: it takes a village to raise a child. These little miracles that we were blessed with, did not come with a manual of what to do or how to raise them. As parents we can just trust our instincts and do everything in our power to keep them safe and protected, whilst still allowing them the freedom to become independent and spread their wings. As parents, let us be as aware of our children’s emotional wellbeing, as we are of their physical needs, especially as they get older and become teenagers. It is during this period of their lives that they need us the most.