Expectations of our children

These expectations from us as parents and teachers can cause huge emotional trauma for our teenage children, who are not on the same wavelength as us, and cannot fathom how all of a sudden, they are expected to be and act in a certain way. How unfair to them that through our expectations, they are suddenly feeling like they are not good enough. I speak from personal experience when I say that expecting a child to change overnight owing to his/her age and societal norms places our children at an unfair disadvantage and they develop feelings that makes them question their self-worth. They are now hearing phrases like: you need to be more responsible, you are in Grade 7 now, you are in high school now, when are you going to act like a Grade 7/8, etc. just because they are a year older and in the next grade does not automatically mean that they will be any better prepared or organised or responsible than they were the year before.  

We need to be more aware of the fact that our children are just that, children. Even though they are getting older and so much more is expected of them, they need to hear that who they are and what they are doing is okay. They need constant reassurance that there is still time for them to play pranks, ride their bicycles and have fun with their friends. They need to know that their best is good enough and that we are still there to help them navigate and make their way through the new grade. They need to know that it is okay to make mistakes, even when you are 13 or 14 or 19, and that making mistakes is a part of life and should be used as teaching moments and learning tools, so that they always feel safe and secure.   

We should be reminding our children of this on a daily basis so that we fill their emotional buckets so full that when they are battered and bruised by the daily rigors of life and friendships, that they still believe in their own self-worth. Remember that your teenage children need you just as much, maybe even more than they did when they were toddlers or young children.